Valentine’s Day is approaching — ads are consuming social media and every store has put out new merchandise in preparation for the festivities. With the upcoming season it can be difficult to not be reminded of our relationships (romantic or not!) with others.
You’re not alone if you start experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression this Valentine’s Day. A study conducted in 2022 examined the increases in psychological distress on Valentine’s Day and reported that all participants who had not received a Valentine’s gift had higher levels of psychological distress. The societal cues for consumer participation made individuals feel the need to be involved in the holiday. This social pressure then resulted in participants experiencing the Valentine’s Day ‘Blues’ (dubbed by pop culture!). There is no medicine or ‘cure’ for the blues but there are ways to reduce those negative feelings. Studies have shown that when individuals practice self-love there is an increase in self-esteem and happiness.
So, what is self-love?
Self-love is “a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth,” according to the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation. Practicing self-love teaches the significance of putting yourself first. If you are treating yourself better, you are more likely to participate in activities that make you happy. We all have a limited amount of energy to give, and it is a waste to exhaust that energy on relationships or situations that do not bring joy.
How do we practice self-love? We begin to gain self-acceptance!
Self-Acceptance
Self-acceptance plays a large role in psychological well-being and can be beneficial in increasing feelings of joy. Studies have shown that lower self-acceptance worked hand-in-hand with higher levels of anxiety, depression, and disruptions in psychological health. Achieving self-acceptance requires the individual to engage in self-regulation, self-awareness, and self-transcendence.
Self-Regulation
What is self-regulation? The ability to effectively manage or alter one’s responses and impulses.” When practicing self-regulation, you begin to process the negative feelings towards yourself and focus on the positive characteristics! Reframing the circumstances in a more positive light can have a large impact on how you view yourself. For example, you had a date with your partner and they seemed to be distracted looking around the room. The initial thought may be, “My partner doesn’t want to be here with me.” How do we reframe? “My partner looks like they’re distracted, maybe they had a long day!”
Continuing to practice reframing can lead to more positive outcomes and elicit feelings of happiness.
Self-awareness
What is self-awareness? The ability to focus on yourself and how your actions, thoughts, or emotions don’t align with your internal standards. Self-awareness allows us to understand and control emotions and actions that we may be feeling. Being self-aware allows you to understand how your actions affect others and how theirs affects you. It allows you to be intentional in managing your strengths and eliminating your weaknesses. Self-awareness increases self-confidence and creates feelings of happiness. So how do we begin to develop self-awareness? Gain a better understand of your personality. Personality tests can give insights into where we thrive and how our personalities work with others. Enneagram personality tests are great and give good detail about the different personality types. Check out this FREE one!
Once you gain a better understanding of how your personality operates you can be more intentional and increase positive interactions.
Self-transcendence
What is self-transcendence? The overcoming of the limits of the individual self and its desires in spiritual contemplation and realization. Individual exploration within local communities or around the world can help individuals achieve self-transcendence. Continuing to learn and practice new habits while pursuing aspirations increases opportunity to reach contentment with yourself.
Remember to love yourself and love from others will follow!
Citations
Borenstein, Jeffrey. “Self-Love and What It Means.” Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, 12 Feb. 2020, https://bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means#:~:text=Self%2Dlove%20is%20a%20state,own%20well%2Dbeing%20and%20happiness. Accessed 7 Feb. 2024.
Vago, David R, and David A Silbersweig. “Self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-transcendence (S-ART): a framework for understanding the neurobiological mechanisms of mindfulness.” Frontiers in human neuroscience vol. 6 296. 25 Oct. 2012, doi:10.3389/fnhum.2012.00296
